The RISE to Intimacy Podcast
If intimacy feels like pressure instead of pleasure, you're not alone - and there's a reason why.
Licensed sex and couples therapist Valerie McDonnell breaks down the real barriers to connection that most people don't even know exist. From performance anxiety and sexless relationships to attachment wounds and nervous system dysregulation, each episode teaches the same tools Valerie uses with private clients.
You'll learn how to regulate your body when sex feels triggering, how to communicate without fighting, how to rebuild desire when it's been gone for months or years, and how to stop abandoning yourself in relationships.
Whether you're struggling with low desire, erectile dysfunction, people-pleasing in the bedroom, or feeling completely disconnected from your partner, this podcast will help you understand what's really happening and what you can do about it.
Tune in for new episodes every Tuesday because trauma doesn't get the last word, and sex therapy isn't for people who are broken - it's for people brave enough to look beneath the surface.
Episodes
21 episodes
Why TikTok Therapy Advice Is Hurting Your Relationship
You're in the middle of a conflict with your partner, but instead of turning toward them, you turn toward your phone. Within minutes, you've watched three videos, found a comment section that agrees with everything you're feeling, and now you h...
The Fawn Response and Why Being "Easy" in Relationships Costs You Intimacy
You’re the easygoing, low-maintenance one who keeps the peace. You’ve probably spent years being this way, but what if it’s costing you the connection you crave in your relationship?Most people know about fight, flight, and freeze. But t...
Resentment Is the Silent Killer of Sexual Desire
You've told your partner what you need. Maybe you've told them a hundred times, and nothing changes. So at some point, you stopped asking. You stopped being vulnerable. You stopped fighting for it. And somewhere in that silence, a story started...
Why You Can Orgasm Alone But Not With Your Partner
You can orgasm just fine on your own. So why does it feel almost impossible with a partner in the room? If this is something you've quietly wrestled with, you're not the only one. Research shows about 58% of women find orgasm easier through mas...
Sexless Relationships Get Worse the Longer You Wait
You've been in a sexless relationship for months, maybe years, and you have no idea where to begin to find your way back. You've read the books. You know what you're supposed to do differently. But nothing changes, and you can't help how you fe...
Why Your Partner Triggers You More Than Anyone Else
You're talking to your partner, and they glance at their phone or sigh at the wrong moment, and suddenly your whole body tenses up. Maybe you start yelling, or you shut down and want to get out of the room. Later, you're lying in bed replaying ...
What Jealousy in Polyamory Is Actually Trying to Tell You
Polyamory often gets framed as a mindset shift, a philosophical reimagining of love, freedom, and connection. But your nervous system doesn't care about your philosophy. It just knows your partner is with someone else, and your chest is tight, ...
Communication in Polyamorous Relationships Is Never a One-Time Event
You may have had one big conversation about opening your relationship and assumed that was enough. Or you haven't been able to have the first one yet because you don't know how to start without derailing it before it goes anywhere. Either way, ...
Polyamory and Non-Monogamy: What a Sex Therapist Wants You to Know
Non-monogamy is no longer a fringe idea. It's showing up on dating apps, in therapy rooms, in late-night Google searches, and inside long-term relationships that look completely fine from the outside. But curiosity alone isn't enough to navigat...
How Healthy Couples Stay Connected While Others Drift
The honeymoon phase is over, and real life has taken its place. When routines settle in, the stress piles up, and the spark no longer feels automatic, it’s common to wonder if something has gone wrong. But healthy relationships aren’t conflict-...
Why Great Long-Term Relationships Still Struggle With Sex
You’re still in love with your partner and committed to a fulfilling life together, yet something feels off. The chemistry that once felt effortless now feels unpredictable or absent. You care deeply for each other, but you are completely out o...
How AI Is Quietly Rewiring the Modern Dating World
You want real connection in a world that feels increasingly artificial, but the modern dating scene often leaves you feeling exhausted and quietly discouraged. You long for something organic and meaningful, yet you’re navigating systems that re...
How Erectile Dysfunction Is a Nervous System Response
When my partner Dallas experienced erectile dysfunction in his mid-twenties, he felt broken. He believed something was fundamentally wrong with him, and struggling with anxiety and PTSD only added fuel to those feelings. Erectile dysfunction is...
Why Unmet Attachment Needs Sabotage Your Sex Life
You love your partner, but you feel your body shut down the moment intimacy begins. Something inside you tightens even when you want to feel close. These moments don't mean you have a lack of love or desire. They are often signals from your att...
How to Stop the Pursue Withdraw Cycle Without Blame
One of you moves toward the relationship to close the gap. The other moves away to reduce overwhelm or conflict. This is the pursue-withdraw cycle, and it is one of the most common and painful patterns in any relationship. If you have ever felt...
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Why People Pleasers Lose Desire and How to Reclaim It
If you have ever felt like sex is just another chore, you are not alone. Many people find themselves saying "yes" simply because saying "no" feels too hard. This isn't a character flaw. It is a survival strategy that usually begins in childhood...
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How the RISE Model Moves You from Roommates to Teammates
Long-term couples rarely fall out of love overnight. Usually, they just fall into "logistics mode" where work, kids, and chores crowd out the space for connection. When life feels like an endless to-do list, intimacy starts to feel like just an...
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How PTSD Affects Romantic Relationships and What Actually Helps
When difficult conversations with your partner feel overwhelming, when you need to resolve things right away or you need space to process, when a look or a tone shift sends your nervous system into overdrive, that's often PTSD showing up in you...
Fixing a Sexless Relationship Starts with Emotional Regulation
When couples stop having sex, they usually assume it's about laziness, manipulation, or lack of attraction. But sexual disconnection is actually a signal that something deeper needs attention—usually safety, repair, and attunement. Your nervous...
What Actually Happens in Sex Therapy?
When most people hear "sex therapy," they assume it's about technique or performance. It's not. Sex therapy is about understanding how your nervous system, past experiences, and attachment patterns show up in intimacy.For years, I only a...
Why Sex Feels Like Pressure Instead of Pleasure
Sex is everywhere. Yet meaningful conversations about intimacy are still wrapped in silence, shame, and confusion. Low desire, erectile struggles, or difficulty with orgasm get framed as personal failures when they should be framed as messages ...
