The RISE to Intimacy Podcast | Sex Therapy, Couples Therapy & Relationships
If intimacy feels like pressure instead of pleasure, you're not alone - and there's a reason why.
Licensed sex and couples therapist Valerie McDonnell breaks down the real barriers to connection that most people don't even know exist. From performance anxiety and sexless relationships to attachment wounds and nervous system dysregulation, each episode teaches the same tools Valerie uses with private clients.
You'll learn how to regulate your body when sex feels triggering, how to communicate without fighting, how to rebuild desire when it's been gone for months or years, and how to stop abandoning yourself in relationships.
Whether you're struggling with low desire, erectile dysfunction, people-pleasing in the bedroom, or feeling completely disconnected from your partner, this podcast will help you understand what's really happening and what you can do about it.
Tune in for new episodes every Tuesday because trauma doesn't get the last word, and sex therapy isn't for people who are broken - it's for people brave enough to look beneath the surface.
Episodes
38 episodes
Is Watching Porn Cheating in a Relationship?
You found porn on your partner’s phone, and now you’re wondering if watching porn is cheating or if you’re overreacting. Or maybe you’re the one whose partner found it, and you genuinely don’t understand why something you never considered cheat...
Sex vs. Communication: What If You Have Different Goals for Couples Therapy?
You want to work on your sex life. Your partner wants to work on communication. When you are coming into couples therapy focused on different problems, it can be hard to know where you are supposed to begin. And if each of you already feels lik...
Why Couples Start Feeling More Like Roommates Than Partners
You can still love your partner, function well together, and somehow end up feeling more like roommates than romantic partners. Maybe you do everything together and have trouble functioning as two separate people. Or maybe you’ve become so inde...
When Past Relationship Trauma Shows Up With a New Partner
Past relationship trauma can quietly shape the relationship you're in now, even when your current partner has done nothing to cause it. Your ex cheated on you, so you check your partner's phone. Or a former partner emotionally disappeared when ...
The Difference Between Boundaries and Ultimatums in Relationships
You’re trying to be clear about what you need in your relationship, so you draw a line and tell yourself you’re setting a boundary. But when your partner responds with defensiveness instead of change, it may be worth asking whether what you com...
How Anxious Attachment Shows Up in Your Sex Life
If you’re checking how long it's been since you last had sex or bringing up an ex just to see how your partner reacts, you've probably told yourself it's harmless. But what if the behaviors you’re using to feel safer in your relationship are ac...
Sex Therapy and Couples Therapy Shouldn’t Be Separate
Couples can spend months or even years working on communication, conflict, and trust without ever talking about what is happening in their sex life. Once sexual concerns come up, their couples therapist may refer them to a sex therapist, almost...
How Trauma Affects Your Romantic Relationships
A calm, steady relationship can start to feel like something is missing, even when nothing seems wrong. If you have a trauma history, quiet may be harder to trust than chaos ever was. What feels like boredom or incompatibility may be your nervo...
When Scheduling Sex Helps and When It Makes Things Worse
Scheduling sex can sound like a practical solution when life is full and intimacy keeps getting pushed aside. It can also leave you feeling like sex has become another obligation on the calendar, especially when the pressure starts building lon...
How to Ask Your Partner to Go to Couples Therapy
Couples wait an average of six years after problems start before ever getting help. If you’ve been sitting on the question, “Will you go to couples therapy with me?” you probably understand how that happens. You know something needs to shift, b...
How to Know If Mismatched Sex Drives Are a Real Problem
Your desire for sex doesn’t match your partner’s, and now you’re wondering what that difference says about your relationship. Is this a normal part of being together long term, or a sign that something has started to go wrong?Mismatched ...
Is a Woman’s Orgasm Worth the Effort?
A viral podcast clip recently claimed that pleasuring a woman during sex has “not much ROI” and that using a vibrator would make him feel “cucked.” Reducing a woman’s orgasm to a business calculation may sound extreme, but the belief underneath...
When One Partner Wants Sex and the Other Pulls Away
When one partner wants sex and the other pulls away, it can start to feel like every attempt at closeness comes with a risk. If you’re the one initiating, you may feel rejected, unwanted, or unsure whether your partner desires you anymore. So e...
Why Women Struggle With Desire and Knowing What They Want
You love your partner and want sex to feel close, connected, and mutual, yet desire can still feel harder to access than you think it should. When they ask what you like, what turns you on, or what would help you feel more present in your body,...
How to Resolve Conflict With Your Partner Without Resentment
Ever tried to resolve conflict with your partner, only for the argument to end because one of you finally gave in? It might look like the conflict is resolved, maybe even like someone won, but the person who backed down is usually still hurting...
How to Pause During Conflict Before It Causes Damage
You’re in the middle of a heated argument with your partner, and suddenly you can’t think clearly. Maybe you go quiet and wait for it to be over. Maybe you say something you already know you’ll regret. When this happens, learning how to pause d...
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How to Validate Your Partner Without Losing Your Own Perspective
Your partner may have told you they don't feel heard, even though you were right there listening to every word and even responding. Hearing someone and making them feel heard are two different things, and most of us were never taught how to val...
Why TikTok Therapy Advice Is Hurting Your Relationship
You're in the middle of a conflict with your partner, but instead of turning toward them, you turn toward your phone. Within minutes, you've watched three videos, found a comment section that agrees with everything you're feeling, and now you h...
The Fawn Response and Why Being "Easy" in Relationships Costs You Intimacy
You’re the easygoing, low-maintenance one who keeps the peace. You’ve probably spent years being this way, but what if it’s costing you the connection you crave in your relationship?Most people know about fight, flight, and freeze. But t...
Resentment Is the Silent Killer of Sexual Desire
You've told your partner what you need. Maybe you've told them a hundred times, and nothing changes. So at some point, you stopped asking. You stopped being vulnerable. You stopped fighting for it. And somewhere in that silence, a story started...
Why You Can Orgasm Alone But Not With Your Partner
You can orgasm just fine on your own. So why does it feel almost impossible with a partner in the room? If this is something you've quietly wrestled with, you're not the only one. Research shows about 58% of women find orgasm easier through mas...
Sexless Relationships Get Worse the Longer You Wait
You've been in a sexless relationship for months, maybe years, and you have no idea where to begin to find your way back. You've read the books. You know what you're supposed to do differently. But nothing changes, and you can't help how you fe...
Why Your Partner Triggers You More Than Anyone Else
You're talking to your partner, and they glance at their phone or sigh at the wrong moment, and suddenly your whole body tenses up. Maybe you start yelling, or you shut down and want to get out of the room. Later, you're lying in bed replaying ...
What Jealousy in Polyamory Is Actually Trying to Tell You
Polyamory often gets framed as a mindset shift, a philosophical reimagining of love, freedom, and connection. But your nervous system doesn't care about your philosophy. It just knows your partner is with someone else, and your chest is tight, ...
Communication in Polyamorous Relationships Is Never a One-Time Event
You may have had one big conversation about opening your relationship and assumed that was enough. Or you haven't been able to have the first one yet because you don't know how to start without derailing it before it goes anywhere. Either way, ...
